Friday, April 23, 2004

Why I stopped updating my blog

Last March, on the first day of spring, two things happened, one good and one bad. I got a phone call from Neile Graham, Clarion West administrator, to tell me that I was being invited to Clarion West 2003, and the war started.

I have to admit that I became a coward. I needed a visa for the US to be able to attend Clarion, and I knew there was no way I could talk about the war and not say things that could, concievably, no please the current administration. I thought it was mostly paranoia on my part, or at least exaggeration - and I was a bit spooked by the number of Americans who told me flatly, and in apparent all seriousness "no it isn't."

Anyway, cowardice went to keep company to laziness and the general sense of shame I felt, and the feeling the keeping the world appraised to what went on in Italy was both an Herculean task (they did too many, and too bloody outrageous things every day) and of dubious utility and impact.

I was also, as I recognized afterwards, in the first stages of the worst depressive episode of my life, that got seriously under way after Clarion and incapacitated me for most of last winter.

At any rate, I'm out of that now and though I still wish to travel to the US, it's no longer a matter of life and death, and things have been happening that I'd like to blog about. So here I am.